kens*ten: a political blog

Political Theatre: “When Barry Met Bill”

"The first time we met, we hated each other."

 

I wasn’t in the Oval Office when President Obama recently met with former President Bill Clinton. They were ostensibly discussing “energy efficiency” – a pet project of some foundation from which Bubba draws a six-digit annual salary. But, in your heart you just know they were talking politics. Certainly, Election 2010… and perhaps Campaign 2012 as well. 

I think it probably went something like this: 

Bill: Now Barry… er, Mr. President… you’re in deep caca de toro… and you need my help. 

Barry: Well, I… uhh… 

Bill: Look, I’m willing to forget all that crap you pulled when Hillary ran. I mean everyone knows I was the first black president. But, I’m gonna need some props from you, if you want my help. 

Barry: I didn’t… uhhh approve of … uhh… all that stuff. It was… uhh… below my paygrade. So, you can’t… uhh… hang that… 

 

Bill: Water under the bridge, son… er, Mr. President. Now here’s what ya have to do – and I mean quick as a cheap hooker. 

Barry: Quick as a… 

Bill: Never mind. You have to blame Bush. He’s the Great Satan. Blame him every time you get a chance. 

Barry: Well, we’ve already been… uhh… doing that. And, it’s not really… uhh… working. 

Bill: Axelrod’s a Chicago hack. And, don’t get me started on Gibbs. Those two are idiots. When you need throats cut, there’s only one man for the job. 

Barry: You mean… uhh… Dick Morris? 

Bill: No damn it, Carville. I’ll set him on Dubya so fast he’ll forget where he lives. 

Barry: I think he… uhh… lives in Louisiana… or… uhh… maybe… 

Bill: Not Carville. Dubya. Please pay attention, I’m trying to save yer sorry ass… er, I mean… standing in the polls. 

Barry: The people are… uhh… all wee wee’d up. I don’t… uhh… know why. I saved… uhh… or created… uhh… three million jobs and… uhh… 

Bill: Yeah, quit sayin that. It ain’t true. The Big Lie works sometimes. Lord knows, I did it pretty well myself. But, nobody’s buyin it from you, OK.  Now, ya need to put Hillary in charge of yer economic message. 

Barry: But, she’s in… uhh… charge of… uhhh… foreign affairs. 

Bill: <snickering> If there’s a Clinton in charge of foreign affairs, it’s me. 

Barry: I… uhh… mean… 

Bill: I know what ya mean, boy… er, Mr. President. She can sell ice to Eskimos. ‘Course she ain’t as good at it as I am, but she can… 

Barry: She didn’t do… uhh… that great a job… uhh… on HillaryCare. 

Bill: Yeah, Rahm and his doofus brother screwed the pooch on that one. But, she’s the only one in yer whole administration with any credibility. God only knows how ya let that happen. 

Barry: I’ve been very… uhh… effective in getting… uhh… my pro-Muslim message out. 

Bill: Yeah, stop that too. It’s killin ya with independents. 

Barry: They’re just… uhh… racists for…. uhh… not supporting… uhh… my NASA outreach initiative. 

Bill: Focus here, OK. It’s the economy, stupid. 

Barry: You can’t call me… uhh… stupid. I have a degree… uhh… from Harvard. 

Bill: Yeah, so does Dubya. And, his is an MBA

Barry: Well I… uhh… did very well… at…. uhh… law school. 

Bill: When are you releasing your grades? 

Barry: That would be… uhh… an invasion… uhh… of my… uhh… privacy. 

Bill: Uh huh. Seriously, let’s figure this out. 

Aide: <enters Oval Office> Mr. President, Marine One is here. 

Barry: Uhh… yeah… uhh… thanks. I have to… uhhh… go Bill. 

Bill: But, I’m not done. I haven’t laid out my plan for the upcoming campaign. 

Barry: <walking out the door> Can’t I just… uhh… enjoy my… uhhh… golf game? 

Bill: <smiles> Yeah, this is gonna be easier than a bar pick-up at the Little Rock Bennigan’s. I sure hope Hillary appreciates what I’m doin for her. 

© 2010 by kensten. All rights reserved. 

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Written by kensten

07/18/2010 at 7:46 pm

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